Isn’t our God mighty? As we read in Psalm 54, there is absolutely nothing he can’t deliver us from.

My prayer for you today is to be encouraged and know that God’s deliverance is there for you.

I was reading Esther chapters 5-7, where Mordecai had been set up to be hanged because he did not stand for Haman. “Then went Haman forth that day joyful and with a glad heart: but when Haman saw Mordecai in the king’s gate, that he stood not up, nor moved for him, he was full of indignation against Mordecai.” Esther 5:9. Haman wanted the glory for himself, however, Mordecai was a Jew, he only sought to worship one God, God Almighty.

Due to his pride, Haman decided he wanted Mordecai hanged because he showed him no respect. However in chapter 6: 2 “And it was found written that Mordecai had told of the king’s Chamberlains the keepers of the door, who sought to lay hand on the King Ahasuerus.”

The king found out that Mordecai sought to save him from his enemies, he found out that he was in fact, an honourable man. So the King sought to honour Mordecai and commanded that Haman, the same man who was burning in resent towards him, would honour Mordecai with special apparel “…and horse be delivered to the hand of one of the king’s most noble princes, that they may array the man ritual whom the King delighted to honour…” Esther 6:9

Haman burned in fury as he thought he was the one worthy of such honour, however, it was Mordecai, the one who he sought to hang because he was a Jew.

“And Mordecai came again to the king’s gate. But Haman hasted to his house mourning, and having his head covered.” Esther 6:12

Mordecai who originally was doomed for death had now been delivered and not only so, but honoured by the king because of his faithfulness. He was a child of God and sought only to honour God and God looked after him, he turned what was meant for evil again for good.

Let this be an encouragement unto you that even if it seems like this was something that can only happen in the bible, you are wrong. Friend, be faithful even when you think no one is listening or looking,

THE TRUTH IS,

God is always listening and he is always looking.

If you are his daughter or son, honour him in everything you do. What may seem like your downfall or secret enemies rising up against you, is only the begining of what the Lord is working out for you behind the scenes, you must stay humble and loyal at his feet.

1 PETER 5:6

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

PSALM 54

Save me, O God, by thy name, and judge me by thy strength.

Hear my prayer, O God; give ear to the words of my mouth.

For strangers are risen up against me, and oppressors seek after my soul: they have not set God before them. Selah.

Behold, God is my helper: the Lord is with them that uphold my soul.

He shall reward evil unto mine enemies: cut them off in thy truth

I will freely sacrifice unto thee: I will praise thy name, O Lord; for it is good.

For he hath delivered me out of all trouble: and mine eye hath seen his desire upon mine enemies.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

It was during this time of the fast that many hospital visits, check ups and testing needed to be done. I had developed a tachycardia; (tak-ih-KAHR-dee-uh) is the medical term for a heart rate over 100 beats a minute. Many types of irregular heart rhythms (arrhythmias) can cause tachycardia.- Mayo Clinic. I never claimed this and I was delivered from it, this was only due to the lack of nutrients in my body cause the irirregularity.

Even in the midst of my breakthrough of spiritual blessings, revelation and gifts that I received through this time of testing it was time for me to start taking care of myself. God reminded me that In the midst of what was meant for evil it was turned by him for good. He reminded me time and time again through Jeremiah 29:11 that he had a future for me, he didn’t want me to die. Not only did I receive prophetic ministry but I received and uncovered my gifts and began walking in my healing. God gave me scripture to recite during this time any many of it were scriptures of blessings and healing, he often led me to the book of Isaiah, where he spoke of the promised land for the Israelites and how he would redeem his people. I was his people. I was redeemed.

Slowly but surely God had me recite these scriptures in prayer and I believe without a shadow of a doubt that as I prayed these scriptures I was healed. I began walking with confidence, I never doubted God for a minute, I just knew it was a season of testing. It was one meeting with one of my mentors and friends that would help me change my life. She and another Christian mentor I spoke to in confidence with helped me see how condemnation had a hold on me and deceit made a way for me to believe things that were meant for my destruction. One of the mentors expressed to me that there is a christian counselor that i can visit to talk to about what i have experienced. It was this visit to the counselor that would peak the begining of my return to a sense of normalcy, as i spoke to the counselor about what i had experienced it brought a sense of release. I appreciate both mentors i spoke to and i will most defintely never forget them being there for me through such a time as this❤

During this time of fasting i must mention that my father had taken ill, he was deteriorating in health but because i too was in a state i was unable to fully care for him as i should, looking back on how this situation would have been for my mother breaks my heart. There she was taking care of and being concerned for BOTH of us and having to carry these burdens on her own. I could never imagine the pain. I cannot thank her enough.

Nonetheless God is good.

I broke my fasting, it was during my session with the counselor that we agreed the fasting must end. I was still in between taking fruit smoothies and at one point using soups and vegetables so on but at this point I decided the fast was to be completed.

As I visited the hospital I was advised by the nutritionist on what to use to build my body to a healthier state. I heeded her advice and I decided from there on I was going to take care of myself.

God saw me through and I cannot stress enough how Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Helped me through. I stood on these words, I believed them.

Not only did God see me through but step by step he healed me. He healed me from the tachycardia, the mental and emotional state i was in and ffom all condemnation and guilt.

I ate again, I fed my body with love, scripture and FOOD. Yes fasting will always play a pivotal role in my life but I shall NEVER again allow myself to give in the voices of deception. I ask that God co time to protect and keep me.

this would be 2-3 years since I have experienced this case and i must say i came out of the fire UNTOUCHED, meaning i am completely healed, taken care of and in my right mind. He didn’t let me die. He is faithful, he listens, he shelters, he keeps.

now I can share met testimony of how God has more than kept me during the hardest year of my life, I never said that I wouldn’t experience varying levels of trials again but what i am saying is God proved himself to me. Obeying him and following him now is a must and Even if it may be hard sometimes, just taking the step is always better than staying in destruction, it will become easy when you start walking in obedience. He kept me and I will never stop testifying.

I am simply alive and that my friends, is a miracle.

It would’ve been during this 40 day fast I began to desconstruct my way of thinking, beliefs about myself and others, ways of dressing, reacting and injesting knowlege from God. I decided I NEEDED this transformation, and that is the thing with fasting and prayer, your heart must desire the things of the spirit and seek those things with all your heart. Fasting and prayer often reveals and exposes your heart issues, unforgiveness, hatred, jealousy, insecurities, struggles and the like once you ask God to reveal them to you. It gives you a new spiritual lense and the goal is for a cleansing and denial of fleshly desires, reactions, ambitions and the like to take place. Most importantly, fasting and prayer is to draw you near to God’s spirit and know his heart. He longs to spend time with you and taking time away from feeding the flesh for a set period is 100% worth it and allows your spirit to grow in God in ways you never imagined. Every fast is different ofcourse but the ultimate goal is to come away and draw near to Jesus. With that said, I entered this fast at first with strength but then along the way I struggled and I broke it for one night, in no time I felt the conviction of God to keep going and start the fast again instead of letting my flesh get in the way. So I picked myself back up and decided to start over. Now please note, my mindset as a person at the time was that things had to be done a certain way, if I messed up I figured I had to start again on a clean slate this can be seen as an extremist mindset but that was how I viewed this fast I had a bit of perfectionist approach to things I took part in. Only looking at it from an outside and healed perspective can you view and discern these things as well. So I began fasting again this time I decided I would do a water fast, now as I fasted I brought up a variety of things in prayer and I sought God for deliverance from a number of them.

Indeed God was speaking to me and cleansing my heart from laziness, procrastination, anger, hurt, unforgiveness and the like. I truly felt God was dealing with all of my hidden faults and flaws. However, within this period of fasting there were moments I believed I heard God’s voice in relating to the extension of the fasting and this is where the downfall came. When I made slight mistakes, it sounds riduclous expressing it but you must understand I was at a state of mentally and spirutally weakness and I was susceptible to the heavy and loud voice of condemnation. Thus, going forward whenever I made a mistake in word, thought or deed within my fast it was almost as though I began to “punish” myself and extended the fast once more. No longer would I be listening to Almighty God’s guidance but the voice of condemnation in which I mistook for “discipline”. This fast then began to extend more and more each time whenever I sat in prayer and felt I heard God’s voice tell me that I needed to go for longer. It was most definitely NOT him. I also often felt as though in the initial stages of the fast as though God was punishing me or I was undergoing some disciplinary action of pruning of some sort, and yes there was pruning but of course the situation was most definitely painful and pushed to the limits.

1 Corinthians 14:33King James Version

³³ For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

God is NOT the author of confusion and what he says stands, it does NOT move.

So what initially started as a 40 day fast of transformation turned into a month and over of fasting due to the continual “convictions” I thought I felt whenever I went into prayer, turns out my spirit was open to deception and because I was weak, it was my first real time fasting like this in this intensity and because I was battling heavily with condemnation and perfectonism i gave in to the deception. I began fasting for long extensive periods each time I heard a new date in my mind, I fasted and prayed until close to that date, then I would hear a further dates again if I felt i messed up or didn’t utilize my time in prayer as I should, honestly looking back it was absolute torture in some moments.

Writing this brings me to tears as I reflect on walking up and down the house praying until i was absolutelty fatigued. Yes I prayed with sincerity and best believe I received many gifts and dreams of the Holy Spirit still during this time but where I went wrong was giving into condemnation, guilt, shame and listening to that voice that sought to kill me. I began this fast in August and at this time it was September/ October when my mother intervened and told me i should atleast use fruit juices, I know she wondered about my fast and sought God about it but because I was so fixed in my ways I did not listen to her, or anyone for that matter. I was stuck on this fast until I “felt” I had done all that God wanted me to. So if you are wondering how I made it honestly firstly God’s grace and because I took some juices along the way.

It was during the same September / October when the Olympics were being broadcasted that would be the worst moments of my fast I still sought GOD but I was in a battle in my mind of thinking I wasn’t being obedient because I started using fruit smoothies and juices, I went to the extreme and went back to water fasting. I didn’t want to feel like I failed what God told me (again all was the attack of my mind) in this time I started throwing up blood, my body was so small, FRAIL and weak I could barely walk. I had gotten to the point where if I tried walking for a long distance I would start feeling very dizzy, I was deprived of nutrients. It breaks my heart.

I had even started having issues with my vision and my ears were blocked as well. I know. It was devastating and through this, I wasn’t fully aware of what was happening, bear with me.

Though I experienced what seemed to be the most extreme events during it all I learnt discipline, I learnt the importance of listening to God and God alone. When I listened to his exact instruction I saved myself from a lot of trouble and things that could have turned left completely. This was most definitely one of the most testing times of my life. God wanted me to hear him, HIS voicd above my own it was as though i was out to sea almost able to drown but never really drowning because of God’s merciful hand of protection. It brings me to the story of Peter where just as how he was walking on the water and had to keep his eyes on Jesus so as not to drown I had to do the same. I was in a very fragile situation I had to listen to God as he guided me through getting through this fast safely without further ruining my body. I van truly say he LED me through the fire, he showed me where I was going wrong and he PROTECTED ME. It was in these moments I felt the most at peace because I had never had to depend so solely on God more than I did in this.

I visited the doctor at this point and he mentioned that was wrong, my blood tests a had all came back normal and I seemed to be ok physically, the only obvious issues was that I lacked the necessary nutrients needed. This was a moment to give God praise because I had developed so much anxiety going to the doctor because I was in fear that he would give me some news that god forbid it was more than what meets the eye, God shielded me, more than once I was told that God protected me from what could have been a worst case scenario.

Part 3 in the next post…

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
Psalms 91:1‭-‬4 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/psa.91.1-4.NLT

When I tell you that I am a miracle by God’s grace I am not just saying those words, I mean them. The shelter of the Most High is where I dwell and with all the confidence in me I can say I have been sheltered.

2019-2020 were not the easiest of years, in fact they were by far the hardest emotional, mental and physical years I had ever experienced in my existence on earth. However, they were MOST DEFINTELY TRANSFORMATIONAL to say the least. After 2019 I viewed God with the love that he really is, I had a new found meaning and understanding of his SHELTER for his children and that righteous could neverr be forsaken. I UNDERSTOOD PROTECTION and SAFETY and I knew the HEALING POWER AND VIRTUE of JESUS CHRIST. This not a mere focus on what went wrong but instead this is the testimony of how the SAVING, HEALING, TRANSFORMING POWER AND PROTECTION OF GOD ALMIGHTY preserved my life. This is a story of the ROCK OF AGES who we can wholly depend on in the deepest, darkest, scariest of times. This is to TESTIFY that I am HEALED AND DELIVERED only by the GRACE AND RESSURECTING POWER OF GOD. This is the story of healing, this is my testimony:

I had never experienced life or been faced with the effects of death around me like I had within the year of 2019 -20. I can safely say it was God’s hand and his hand alone that protected me through what I consider a miracle.

These years would transform my spiritual life completely, I am now in a safe space, a new place and place of new and exciting beginnings. I’m in a place I never thought I’d been and it took place after what I describe as a string of life changing events.

2019 began the year where I had just started to come out of my comfort zone and join the Vacation Bible School, which I will refer to as VBS, worship team at my church for the second time in a row. I was apart of a dance team before and I sang a couple of times in worship as well as within the choir ministry but this year at VBS was different. Ministering at VBS meant I couldn’t hide behind anyone, I was in the spotlight and I would have to open up more and be confident in sharing my gift.

I am an introvert at times but there are select moments where I do in fact pull my energy from those around me and I come out of my shell (in very few and select moments). My extroversion or boldness really just depends on the given circumstance and the atmosphere I am in. Therefore, it was a step to take in joining the VBS team again because I knew this year would have been different, I sensed that my time had come to come out from behind the shadows and sing. Of course I didn’t want to, since I sang on the worship team before, I decided this year I wanted to be a dancer (my comfort and safe zone). I thought, if I didn’t have to lead a song I could atleast minister in dance. I wanted the easy way out and I most definitely did not want to be in the spot light.

I took the opportunity to audition for the dance team and I did my best, I successfully got on and it was time for preparation at VBS for the week of camp ahead. Rehearsals always went well and I began getting the hang of it. During my time before VBS began, it hit me God spoke to me and told me to fast. He told me to get into fasting to cleanse myself from what I felt i was facing at the time: I felt I sought too much attention, I was also struggling with perfectionism and thinking if I wasn’t cleansed enough I would not be worthy to be apart of ministry. I was also struggling with listening to God and I felt as though God wanted to transform me from my old ways of thinking and behaving so he told me to fast.

Now please bare in mind this is a candid post, I will bare all I have experienced as long as you read with the understanding of the place I was in mentally and having the understanding that within a place of surrender in fasting and otherwise comes the strongest attacks of the enemies around us. Bear this in mind as I unfold what I have experienced in my time of fasting.

Also bear in mind a fast is to be taken when you know God has told you to and when you know your life needs this time of cleansing as guided by the Holy Spirit. It is to be taken to God in prayer FIRST! It is always a blessed thing to fast because wholeness, renewal and deliverance comes many things have been birthed through fasting and prayer but always seek God’s guidance and remember the enemy will always seek to attack you because you have made this decision. STAND FIRM. Always listen to God and fast AS HE LEADS, it is 100% more worth it. These posts are not to deter anyone from fasting but to testify how God has kept me through the trials I have faced within this particular fast.

Backstory:

My time leading up to this particular fast that would change my life for the better and yet still would prove to be the most trying of times began during my final years at the University of the West Indies. During my time at the University my relationship with God was definitely tested and tried, he allowed me to come into contact with unbelievers and the NUDGE to witness the gospel was placed on my heart. Not only the gospel but more specifically word of encouragement that The Holy Spirit placed on my heart to share. It was during this time I realized I was called to the ministry of encouragement. God gave me a heart for others, I knew this because he would allow me to feel the weight of other’s emotions in prayer as well as in select times allow me to discern when someone I was around at a specific point in time was hurting, needed prayer or had some type of burden and needed a word of encouragement. I knew it was GOD because often times approaching said people that God would highlight to me, would often result in them saying they needed to hear those words and asked more or less how I knew that they needed these words. As my discernment grew I became more confident in sharing God and encouragement with non believers and other random university students I met around campus. Along with the growth of my confidence in sharing encouragement and prayer, I felt as though I needed to begin fasting. So I started these fasts, nothing extensive or extremely brutal. They were to start out as fasts that led me to transformation but quickly turned into rituals of not eating for a period of time. Yes I prayed and sought God’s face but apart of these fasts also turned into a ritual for me and soon led me to the point of feeling guilty for eating, not eating made me feel as though I was sacrificing something for God and eating made me feel like I wasn’t.

Now in understanding this background it was around the time of VBS 2019 where I decided to fast again but this time not in the same ritualistic way I did every other week or so but more so with the intention to really seek God and pray. This began my venture into what I initially called my 40 days of prayer and fast. I felt it in my heart to do 40 days after watching a Youtube video of how a lady was completely transformed after her 40 day fast. I entered into this fast with pure intentions however I lacked the knowlege of the intense spiritual attacks, demonic encounters, and all the physical health risks that I could possibly face. In my spirit I still felt to do the 40 days, so I initially tried to negotiate with God if this was really how many days he wanted and yes, I felt like I should. So I did. Now, I don’t necessarily doubt that it was God leading me into a fast or in the fasts I have done before BUT what happened within these fasts where my spirit became vulnerable and open to DIFFERENT SPIRITS AND VOICES is where a shift took place.

Continue to part 2…

Healing: The process of making or becoming sound or healthy again. Oxford Languages.

Healing sounds easy, just heal right? No effort, no thought, time passes and you heal.

I couldn’t be more wrong.

Healing is first a decision, do you want to heal or do you want to harbor thoughts of resentment, pity, sorrow and despair that eat at the root of your sanity.

Healing sounds like too much work, it’s easier to intoxicate my mind with the numbing dosage of pity and depression. The dark felt like a safe place because who was I when I came out? What would i have to face when i decide i don’t want to dwell here anymore.

HEAL my God kept telling me over and over in more ways than one. It’s time to heal and let go of the darkness , let go of your self loathing and pity and heal. Face your fears and face the ugly and bitter resentment you’d faced before. He showed me how resentment ate at my heart and how bitterness was the root of many of my decisions because I RESENTED what I had experienced. I secretly started to resent everyone I’d been around because how could they simply understand me or what I felt like I was facing

ESTRANGED – I felt alone as though no where was suitable for my presence, no one was fully ready to receive me as I was

EMPTY – I had been the encourager, the friend (at times) and the one to look on the bright side, but how is it that now I come to the darkest point of my life, the point to where thoughts of travelling to the beach at night and disappearing felt like my only escape crossed my mind regular I could find no light, no friend, nothing that i felt could take the weight of my burden; the heavy sorrow despair and RESENTMENT I had boiling inside. How?! I thought. God how do I heal when it feels like this is apart of me and it is slowly dragging me down into the depths of loneliness. I am starting to feel like I’m completely overcome with these waves of depression unable to bare the fatigue of carrying the weight

I’ve been anchored in the depth of this dark, hollow pit that I can’t come out of but he says to me

Matthew 11:28-30New International Version

²⁸ “Come to me,all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

He said to me, rest.

I struggled to even understand what rest meant. Did I have to just lay there? What did I have to do to rest because when i do lay there thoughts of suicide and heartache overcome my mind sinking me deeper into my bed and I can’t move. I don’t desire to move. Can I lay here for the rest of my life and disintegrate into the sheets then?

He told me resting in me means to be still and quiet your thoughts, give them over to me let me help you to see clearly, YOU DO NOT LIVE HERE. Step out from self-pity! STOP believing lies and just listen to my voice, obey my guiding. Cry if you need to but LISTEN.

As I did the tears began overflowing as I felt I was being emptied from the well of sorrow in my heart. I started uncovering the bitterness I faced when I listened to what God was showing me. He told me to forgive. I confessed how I felt watching my father die before my eyes slowly, I confessed the hurt and resentment from past and present relationships, I confessed how I was broken from the deception I was faced with in my season of fasting and after. I confessed I was imperfect trying to handle it ALL ON MY OWN. And that’s the first mistake

Thinking you can handle it all on your own, you’re dead wrong. “Come unto me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Lay it down

Lay down your pride and run to an all welcoming Father. You know exactly what he wants from you, confess, repent, forgive and ask him to heal you. Note I said the word we often try to avoid for a great measure of time:

FORGIVENESS- It was the moment I had realized I had to forgive myself, God, my parents, my friends, that man that whispered something to me under his breath on the street, i had to forgive and get past the manipulation, lies and hurt I had encountered. Most importantly I had to forgive God for feeling like I’d been overlooked, abandoned in shame and guilt and left to work it all out. I felt the weight of shame everytime someone from church saw me i thought how did I look to them? Do they really know how I had gotten through this valley, are they judging me, do I look odd, can you see on my face how much I detested everything and almost everyone deep down inside. PRIDE- I had to let it go I had to realise it was God’s hand that kept me and that no one was out to get me even if I feared that within. Lies were apart of the enemy’s way to keep me isolated and withdrawn. I was a walking miracle but the trauma I faced had to be confronted.

He said, come unto me. He showed me how his hand had been sheltering me through it all, I could have easily been in a much worse scenario or even God forbid dead but he kept me and for this very reason. It is most definitely not about me or is it my place to hang on to experiences that were meant to break me. It was a molding it was a testimony that allowed me to see how FAITHFUL AND JUST the God we serve is. It is not about me, I experienced the pain and I am healing within that healing i am sharing, I am encouraging and i am worshipping the almighty God who never once let me die in this pity party.

H E A L take your time, take it to God, let him uncover your filth

It will be a journey, it will be hard, ugly, sticky and a total mess! But I promise you you come out clean in the end, your scars simply signify your healing. If God leads you go to counseling, tell a friend, dance, write, sing get it out and let God heal you. You are free here tell me below how I can pray for your healing, you are a step closer by making this step than before❤

The pages are blank and open for you to begin sharing your thoughts. I will pray for you.

Welcome! You are safe and free in this space and you are invited to share and experience life as God allows it and take part in the ministry of prayer within this blog. This blog is Christ centered and seeks to glorify God in all ways, together we will lift our needs to heaven as we seek to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). Through this blog is a ministry sought out to reach many through words, worship and prayer. We will gather by meeting here and stating our needs, desires and bearing our hearts in prayer posts and requests and thus receiving the healing and nurturing virtue of heaven. You can share your prayers or prayer requests here and it is my honour and my ministry to serve you through prayer and encouragement. It will be your decision to keep anonymous or to be revealed, you can open up about your concerns as I seek with other Christians who come across this page to lift your needs in prayer for your emotional, spiritual and physical healing. This ministry opens it’s arms to those who need a helping hand and the warm embrace of prayer, it also seeks to encourage others through testimonies and build upliftment and encouragement in the body of Christ through the WORD OF GOD.

This ministry is for you. Welcome.